ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
