In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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