I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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