JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
