Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
