I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
