It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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