i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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