I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if only i could text you this smell
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize