I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
