I am spending my child support on dildos
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
