Swine flu. Run for my life!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
