Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
