i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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