There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
