Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
