She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
