I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
