her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
