Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That accounts for only three of the penises
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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