That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
