We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
