That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
