Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
