I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
