is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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