I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
