I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
