all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize