Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
