Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
