Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
