the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
