Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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