Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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