I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
