ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
