you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
