I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
