I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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