You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
no you cant smoke seaweed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
