need another drink. this is the easiest way
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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