By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
