Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
