Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
