Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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