Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
