This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You are the jesus of drinking
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
