lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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