I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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