im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
