He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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