I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
