Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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