I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
