i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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