i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
