Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
