I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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