It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's blow job season.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
