Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
