the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
