She is in my trunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
