I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
