real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
