Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
