ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
