She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize