Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the condom got lost in my hair
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
