So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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