Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
